breaking up is hard to do... (or your wish is my command*)
haven't really had much to say lately and since I didn't reallly think anyone read this anymore I left what little I did have to say unsaid. Probably a good decision considering everything.
So everything is mostly a break up, a near flunk, moving, tears and a near death experience. Actually the last thing is a lie since I've been very much alive and mostly well but I just had to add something exciting to the mixture since otherwise it sounds alot like a bad teen movie. With the near death experience at least it could be a half a decent teen flick but oh well...
I have been feeling a little sixteen lately. The sixteen feeling is closely related to the whole drama of breaking up the as well as the lack of responsability I've been showing and that's where flimsy also comes to play.
So I guess I've been feeling a little sixteen and flimsy lately. I didn't do well on my exams, not because I couldn't but because I just didn't. And that's where the annoyence kicks in.
So really I have been feeling a little sixteen, flimsy and annoyed lately. Evidentially I'm not a very forgiving person when it comes to my own failures and even though everybody else seems to think it was perfectly normal doing badly with the whole emotional rollercoaster I was going through at the time I just don't buy it. That just smells weak to me. As a result I am also annoyed with the "perfectly normal" people and in turn annoyed with myself for being annoyed with them. All of this than turns into a pot of self loathing when joined with the anger I have at myself for not being easier on myself.
So let us recap - I've been feeling a little sixteen, flimsy, annoyed, self loathing and angry lately. But truth be told I'm also very releaved and happy. I did do well enough on my exams to qualify for my student loans. I moved out and my dad and his family welcomed me with open arms (see I did get my student loans but they aren't enough to pay the rent). I started work and it's good being back, for the summer. I started going to the gym again and feel alot better about myself.
But still it is a bit sad - not in the way that I regret it... It is of course a little sad that I don't know if I will find someone who loves me as much as he did. Someone who idolises me and kisses the ground that I walk on. Than again I'm not really sure I want someone like that.
The really sad thing is that I kinda knew all along, I just didn't want to realize it. All this time it always felt as if we were 10 minutes late for everything. Not that we were but that was the feeling and I hate being late...
* the wish came from lola who wanted me to post in something else than the gibberish icelandic I so love to express myself in. Unfurtunately I cannot deliver on her other wish, which was to be able to understand icelandic, since it really is the most uncomprehensive gibberish language in the world, well to everyone except for the nearly 300thousand people who live here. Not that it really matters - I never post anything noteworthy on my icelandic blog, it's mostly just me cursing the government, the student loan thingy, mondays or myself. Pretty much the same as this blog - except here I tend to summarize :)
